Fantasies can be great things or just strange.
I had a fantasy that I felt I should share with you all.
ok i will set the scene.... In a hotel room i am a new assistant to a famous magician. He wanted to try out a new trick. where he makes a ball disappear and I would be in the audience and I would stand up and the ball would fall out of my.... you know.
I have my knees up and naked because he needs to use the right sized ball. He makes sure that I am aware that this is not meant to be sexual. Then he starts fingering me trying to make me well lubricated so the ball would just slide in. He continues to finger me and I was about to cum and then he stopped and informed me that he was not inserting the ball. he tried the largest ball and it didn't fit. so he sets it down and starts fingering me again to try to keep me wet he put in another one and it fit. He continues to play with me to get it out.....
well that is that. strange I know
other than that a really great friend of mine just told me he was cutting me out of his life... and i am not really ok with that but cant do anything about it.
The remote has complete control over the tv i.e. choosing what is to happen. It also makes a slight clicking sound many children call it the clicker.
I am finally taking control of my life it is time for me to change the channel to something much more pleasant to watch. Something like American Dad or Archer. I need light humor but an ok story line that makes it over-all enjoyable. I need some enjoyable brain numbing fun. This is something I am now working on. I had a lovely lunch with some new friends we got to chat about annoying people at work. We just clicked.
*Click* *Click* *Click* three people that just clicked from the same work place isn't that great! A gay guy that is totally funny and has great hair; a black girl with a great personality with short hair; and me. We had so much fun being around each other and we were all so understanding of each others past other than mine. I did not share. But us three seem like a comedy show waiting to happen and I hope it happens. Our lunch thing will become a weekly thing! It will I will make sure of it. Different restaurants every week looking for the yummiest places. This also ruins my diet but it is worth it to finally gain the kind of friends i want.
Odd is such negative word. Unique and special are nice words but I am odd for sure. Some would say I am just strange.
The odd one out is more like the cheese that stands alone. And in life I am alone a lot but it is something I do not like at all. I love to be around people and maybe not interacting with people but I want to be around them. I don't like to talk to a large group I don't like trying to get my words heard. I am more about the one on one time with a person surrounded by people I know. Moving into a new area is making it difficult to surround myself with people. This cheese will stand alone for now but hopefully this cheese won't me alone to much longer. I could use a dog or cat or even a nurse just something that will make this cheese less lonely.
I have been watching Oddities today and I have found some of the stuff quite interesting for sure makes me want to collect something or even just have the sort of old style that most of these people have. One of the people designed clothes and the clothes looks so great! I long to have a great sense of style as it stands right now I don't have a style at all its just a mixed stuff together. Gothic lolita would be the best style ever but i cant afford it right now maybe someday when i have a real job
Black Hole If you don't know anything about a black hole it is large dark and sucks everything around it into its bottomless pit.
That is me.
When ever I am depressed I can feel myself falling into a dark hole. Nothing is in the hole it is just dark and lonely. I want to just disappear in the darkness to never be seen again. When I feel like this the only thing that can save me from myself is someone who is willing to reach into the black hole that is me and try to pull me out of it. But I don't want to reach out because I am in fear of pulling them down with me. I don't want to cause any problems for anyone else so I am stuck in this black hole. I am forever hidden hopefully someone will get me out of this hole as quick as possible.
This feeling comes every now and then but this one came from the loss of someone in my life. This person was some one I cared for but they were not trusting of me at all. He basically made me feel like I can't do anything right. Causing me to not trust anything I did and I would have to talk to him to make sure it is ok. I gave him such power .... why I don't know maybe it is because I thought I was happy. Well it was the closest thing to happiness I have felt in a long time. In many ways it was a good thing I cut him out of my life because I should feel good about myself. But it makes me feel alone. all alone...
I just moved so I do not have a friend base here to make me feel like I did the right thing. It's causing me to just feel more alone. I have no one to turn to but I will try to continue through my life. I will give updates on my condition.
RSS Feed